"He sees each tear that falls.. "

"He knows my name, He knows my every thought. He sees each tear that falls, & He hears me when I call.. "

wow. what a powerful thought. and even more powerful? it's SO true. every word of it. sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i still didn't believe in such an awesome God, and i think that it'd be one hot mess. This promise that God makes to us, that He hears us, and is never leaving us.. is one of my favorite promises of His. Even when we are in the midst of trials and temptations, and when all we wanna do is give up & fall down.. He's right there, picking us up. I HATE tears.. anyone that knows me well can tell you that. But, God sees them, every single one of them, because let's face it.. no one can not cry forever.

His promises are so amazing. His love is so overwhelming. His forgiveness and grace, it's unfathomable.

He is such an amazing God.

Forgive & Forget, But Don't Forget Why Your Here.

So i was thinking about this whole story thing, and decided that i'm not going to do this the traditional way. I was never one for doing things like everyone else anyways =). I'm going to go backwards, end to beginning, finish to start. It sounds strange, I know, but it makes sense in my brain, so that's the way it's going to be.

Recently, I've been thinking about everything going on in my life. It's been a crazy journey the past four months. From leaving masters, to my families constant battles, to just figuring out who I am. This has been my biggest struggle, finding out who I am, why I am here, and just what I am supposed to be doing. I'm just putting it out there, I mean, we all struggle with something, and I'm pretty sure there comes a time in every single person's life where they have a somewhat "identity crisis." That sounds kind of intense, I know, but it's just the first thing that popped into my head. It's definitely what I was feeling. I have been in such a transition these past few months. I feel like part of me has been forced to grow up, quickly, but as I start looking back, it was time. I needed the shove in the right direction.

I'm learning to leave my past behind, and pick up at the present, and give it all I've got. Because you know what really matters, not who YOU think you are, but WHOSE you are. I've learned these past few months to let go and give it all to God. I can't control things, so why not give up control to the Creator. After all, He's the one who made the whole world and everything in it anyways, so who better to have control of Your life.

As I think things through, I think that before I can begin my real story, I have a lot of forgiving to do, not only to other people, but to myself as well. I don't think we can really begin to move forward until we learn to forgive ourselves, and our loved ones, and even the ones we have a hard time loving. I know personally I have held a whole lot of grudges against people, and have held a lot of things over people's heads recently. So here's to forgiveness, I mean, God forgave me for some pretty crazy stuff, He forgave the some of the apostles for murder, He used and forgave a prostitute, the least I can do is show this grace and forgiveness to others, and myself and move forward into the future.. Let's see what happens

<3

"It is here where she must begin to tell her story.."

Recently I received a gift in the mail, one that i was VERY excited about. I waited ALL week just to get home and get this special thing, which came all the way from Georgia, even though i had NO idea what it was. But, you know me, i LOVE getting mail (= Anyways, after a million years of driving all over the place with my mom, I finally got home and opened it. Inside was a journal, full of fun quotes a sayings, and then pages and pages of lines waiting just for me to write in. Now, if you know me very well, I'll swear to you up and down that I hate to write, and that I'm not a writer. But truth be told, i love it. It's something I wish i did more, and well, now I was determined that I was going too. I started reading the quote on the journal, and became inspired. The one on the front read, "She decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. And birds fluttered all around her, writing, "yes" in the sky." I absolutely LOVED it. Then I opened the inside, and found another one, it was as follows, "This is a space for dream words, love words, made up words, flying words, fall down & get up words. Get to know the sound of your own inner voice. Be creative, Be generous, Be bold." As I read through that I began to get excited. I could handle love words and dream words. I might even be able to handle the falling down & getting up part. But as i turned over the journal to the back, it was the last quote that inspired me the most. "It is here where she must begin to tell her story .. "

As I sat down to think about it, I realized everyone has a story to tell. Some are more open about their stories, and some are not. I think the more open and honest we are with ourselves, and the ones we love, the better off we are. And the more honest we are with God, well, He already knows everything anyways. I think I am realizing it's time to tell my story. It's time to get it all out and written down. It's time to encourage, inspire, or teach someone. And even if I can't do any of that with my story, it's time for me to be honest with myself. So here goes nothing. Over the next month or two I am going to begin to tell my story. Journaling it, then blogging it, for no other reason than I need to do this for me. Read if you want to, Don't if you feel like you shouldn't. But it's time for this to happen. It's time for a challenge, a change, a freeing moment in time. Here we go ..

Philippians 3:10-21

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. ¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.¹⁵All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. ¹⁶Only let us live up to what we have already attained ¹⁷Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. ¹⁸For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. ¹⁹Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. ²⁰But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.


So often things of the past can hold us back. Often the issues that haven’t been dealt with, can be a stumbling block and a hindrance to what God does in us now. If only we can see beyond the here and now. If only we could see what God can do in and through us, we would desire to press on through.

As Paul says here, he hasn’t already attained this, but he presses on – forgetting what lies behind and strains forward to what lies ahead. We need to have a more ‘eternal’ way of thinking. We know that this world is not our home. We can’t even take our human body with us when we die. Everything will be changed. Everything will be new. Our homeland is in heaven with Jesus. Our home here on earth is only a temporary residence. If we could truly grasp this – we would realize the unimportance of so much in our day-to-day life. This can be a hard concept – because none of us can really understand what heaven would be like. None of us have been there. We haven’t seen it; touched it; smelt it; experienced it in any way. We may get small glimpses now and then – but that is nothing in comparison to what it would be like. I believe if we could just see what has eternal value in what we do and say, it can be transforming. Knowing this can help us to ‘press on’ with God. To ‘press on’ to receive the breakthrough we so desire. To ‘press on’ to be more Christ-like. To ‘press on’ despite the odds stacked up against us. For nothing else the world has to offer is as important as pressing on in God.

I'm here for you, I'm not leaving

When you fall down, & mess up again..
I'm here for you, I'm not leaving.
When you fall down, My grace covers you..
I'm here for you, I'm not leaving.

There's scars from the fall, but I'll heal them all
I'll erase your mistakes, because no matter what the world tells you..
I'm here for you, I'm not leaving.
I love you My child, forgiveness is just a prayer away
The mistakes you've made have been washed away
I'm here for you, I'm not leaving.

When I look at you I see beauty and love
I've already forgotten your mistakes so you should do the same
You can now freely enter into My presence where freedom is found
I won't run away like the others have done, I'm here for you, I'm not leaving.

Though your broken, though you've fallen
I am here, through the storm, calling, telling you, I'm here for you, I'm not leaving.

So stand up stand tall, My hands are reaching down.
Stand up, stand tall, forgiveness is right where you fell.

You can stand in My presence stand in My love
Stand in My freedom and grace
You can stand again, and I promise, I'm here for you & I'm not leaving.

My hands are reaching down for you
I've had My eye on you before you were born
I saw what you would do
But still I reached my hands down towards you
I saw who you would become
But I chose you anyway
You're My beloved
My hands are reaching down
And you can stand again
You are loved My child, more than you can imagine.

And always remember when things are tough..
I'm here for you, & i'm not leaving.