Forgive & Forget, But Don't Forget Why Your Here.

So i was thinking about this whole story thing, and decided that i'm not going to do this the traditional way. I was never one for doing things like everyone else anyways =). I'm going to go backwards, end to beginning, finish to start. It sounds strange, I know, but it makes sense in my brain, so that's the way it's going to be.

Recently, I've been thinking about everything going on in my life. It's been a crazy journey the past four months. From leaving masters, to my families constant battles, to just figuring out who I am. This has been my biggest struggle, finding out who I am, why I am here, and just what I am supposed to be doing. I'm just putting it out there, I mean, we all struggle with something, and I'm pretty sure there comes a time in every single person's life where they have a somewhat "identity crisis." That sounds kind of intense, I know, but it's just the first thing that popped into my head. It's definitely what I was feeling. I have been in such a transition these past few months. I feel like part of me has been forced to grow up, quickly, but as I start looking back, it was time. I needed the shove in the right direction.

I'm learning to leave my past behind, and pick up at the present, and give it all I've got. Because you know what really matters, not who YOU think you are, but WHOSE you are. I've learned these past few months to let go and give it all to God. I can't control things, so why not give up control to the Creator. After all, He's the one who made the whole world and everything in it anyways, so who better to have control of Your life.

As I think things through, I think that before I can begin my real story, I have a lot of forgiving to do, not only to other people, but to myself as well. I don't think we can really begin to move forward until we learn to forgive ourselves, and our loved ones, and even the ones we have a hard time loving. I know personally I have held a whole lot of grudges against people, and have held a lot of things over people's heads recently. So here's to forgiveness, I mean, God forgave me for some pretty crazy stuff, He forgave the some of the apostles for murder, He used and forgave a prostitute, the least I can do is show this grace and forgiveness to others, and myself and move forward into the future.. Let's see what happens

<3

"It is here where she must begin to tell her story.."

Recently I received a gift in the mail, one that i was VERY excited about. I waited ALL week just to get home and get this special thing, which came all the way from Georgia, even though i had NO idea what it was. But, you know me, i LOVE getting mail (= Anyways, after a million years of driving all over the place with my mom, I finally got home and opened it. Inside was a journal, full of fun quotes a sayings, and then pages and pages of lines waiting just for me to write in. Now, if you know me very well, I'll swear to you up and down that I hate to write, and that I'm not a writer. But truth be told, i love it. It's something I wish i did more, and well, now I was determined that I was going too. I started reading the quote on the journal, and became inspired. The one on the front read, "She decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. And birds fluttered all around her, writing, "yes" in the sky." I absolutely LOVED it. Then I opened the inside, and found another one, it was as follows, "This is a space for dream words, love words, made up words, flying words, fall down & get up words. Get to know the sound of your own inner voice. Be creative, Be generous, Be bold." As I read through that I began to get excited. I could handle love words and dream words. I might even be able to handle the falling down & getting up part. But as i turned over the journal to the back, it was the last quote that inspired me the most. "It is here where she must begin to tell her story .. "

As I sat down to think about it, I realized everyone has a story to tell. Some are more open about their stories, and some are not. I think the more open and honest we are with ourselves, and the ones we love, the better off we are. And the more honest we are with God, well, He already knows everything anyways. I think I am realizing it's time to tell my story. It's time to get it all out and written down. It's time to encourage, inspire, or teach someone. And even if I can't do any of that with my story, it's time for me to be honest with myself. So here goes nothing. Over the next month or two I am going to begin to tell my story. Journaling it, then blogging it, for no other reason than I need to do this for me. Read if you want to, Don't if you feel like you shouldn't. But it's time for this to happen. It's time for a challenge, a change, a freeing moment in time. Here we go ..